Time according to Quentin

I am not sure why, but I found the Quentin section a lot easier to understand than the Benjy section. I quickly read through the Quentin section more so than the Benjy one. I actually felt like I related to Quentin’s obsession with time. I became obsessed with the opening words to the section said by Quentin’s father regarding time. I might have read it wrong, but I ended up taking it as a notice that whenever people are doing something, and the ticking of the clock is bothering them, which is obvious, the ticking goes away, and that is the true gift, is forgetting time. The true gift of life is forgetting time, and not thinking it as a constant reminder, but to live our lives, and the moments as they come. Too many times people are plagued by their futures instead of taking things slowly, bit by bit. I am a victim just as Quentin is, (if I read correctly). He could either be committing suicide because of his overwhelming love for his sister Caddy, or for his obsession with time and the shadows that chase him. He is either way overcome with sadness, and has a stoic, glazed over sereneness towards the end. It is almost portrayed as a happy ending, which is creepy. Either way, I completely agree with the point that was brought across, whether I was right or wrong, I agree with the notion that the recognition of time is what can destroy us all. Just as it is quoted in Macbeth I think it was said over the “sound and the fury” quote, it was mentioned similarly that life is something like a shadow on stage only to have its brief moment in the spotlight and flitter away. This statement I have made is not exact, but describes the poignant side of life. Life itself is full of happy moments, but it is not necessarily described as being happy. It is not described as being anything. The time is what makes most people upset. There would be no grief if it were not for time passing. The name associated with the idea of time, is itself upsetting. Why must the society as a whole be so obsessed with the notion of keeping track of where we all stand all the time? Why must everyone be in a rush to do what they deem necessary in order to live a happy life, which is apparently not even realistic? This sounds pessimistic, but it is simply an observation which might scare many. Time plagues us all as it does Quentin, and these life questions come into play, not out of pessimism, but out of the notion that nothing can ever be truly described as any human emotion, or word association in general. Quentin was overcome with time as a student at Harvard as time plagued him wherever he went with ideas of what he should do with the next moment of his life. He was also plagued by the shortcomings of his life in which many are plagued with what should be sought after in life, what is deemed right, or an appropriate life to lead. He did not get what he wanted, which was perhaps Caddy, and he saw no other way. This chapter brings up many questions, and I found it very interesting. (560)

"Where are you going, Where have you been?"

This story honestly freaked me out. Arnold Friend was a creepy person who slithered up my spine especially at the part where the author brings up the rape images of the "stabbing". Arnold was a controlling person, and all he wanted to do, it seemed, was to lure Connie out to him in order to show that she had affection towards him, rather than fear. It bothered me with how this story ended. It would obviously end in this way, but it is shocking, as a reader, to realize how realistic it is told. Everyone has their demons, and Connie's was Arnold. Every woman lives their life as they should; entirely. This story made it seem like Connie was being punished for her vanity. I am not sure if the point was to always be careful, (or modest is how I saw it). This would be a disturbing point, if it were true. It may have also been to point out that this could happen to anyone, and it made it especially disturbing to know how attractive and outgoing Connie was. It made it easier to feel for her.

Under stress, Connie reverts back to being a defenseless child. She has a master, Arnold, who acts as a father figure, which was even more bothersome. It is sick to see that he was trying to earn her trust, only to break it with her "permission". He wants her permission to break her personal seal. This is all to hard to read over, but it may be necessary to bring up the unnecessary in order to convey what really could happen. It is easy to simply ignore this truth, and look at it as simply a story, but the author had even openly remarked that it was based on flashes of news reads to develop this concept of an "Arnold Friend". Trust is a thing kept close, and so is her self-worth. These things are all violated, which is a shame that these things could even be in question.

It is very hard for me to discuss this since everything was thoroughly discussed, but I was very fascinated with the relation of the numbers on Friend's car, with the bible passage. I think that was a very fun thing for the author to put in the passage. I think the description of the acts that Friend was to do after the novel was finished was taboo to talk about, and every mention of it makes someone cringe, or wince at the very thought. These instances are unfortunately not spoken of for reason of discomfort, or embarrassment. It is sad that women should have to feel the embarrassment rather than the Arnold Friend type. This story documented the dominance of the male psyche on the female one. It goes through animalistic characteristics of Connie and Arnold, pointing out the attacker and the prey. I felt that Connie was portrayed as defenseless and innocent. Friend was the big bad wolf, who was coming to dominate. It is depressing, but I suppose it must be expressed in a short story such as this. It is not fair that women must feel subjected, and modest consistently. Modest in the sense of living life modestly and not to its fullest. Is this short story pointing out the bigger issue that women in burka's must face? The explanation being that they are being protected from the "big bad wolf" and the uncontrolled libido of men. Should women be constantly punished, and hindered from living their lives just because of this? It does not seem fair that Connie would regret being the way she was, and feeling as though it were her fault for being who she was, and that was why Arnold was after her, it was because he was a weirdo!(629)

The Yellow Wallpaper

I thought that Greg did a fine job at clarifying the bridge between the wife in the short story, and her husband. She feels guilty for the resistance towards her husband’s helpful guidance, but secretly knows that he is oppressing her, and telling her not to trust herself. I thought that the images that the woman saw were all reflected images of herself being oppressed and breaking free of that oppression coming with the ending of the short story, and tearing away the “cover” that patched over all of the problems that she knew she had. The reader witnesses the grim details of her gradual decent into becoming completely odd. Her husband faints, femininely, from the sight of her “broken chains” or torn wallpaper.

It is not fair that the woman must feel guilty from feeling the way she does, reflected by her husband, and sister-in-law. They offer friendly guidance, which masked by the wallpaper, makes her feel guilty for her strong feelings of attachment towards the wallpaper, and ill feelings. This story generally reflects the author’s viewpoints on the medicine, which must “cure” her ills, and her general dislike for her husband. It was mentioned that she had a divorce, which was not entirely common. As a woman, she has a right to dislike someone for a reason unknown, or at least not obvious. The fact that her husband would not let her into the room of her choice, and repeatedly tells her that she is not ill, but suffers from a nervous depression, which was believed to be found only with women, reflects the underlying hatred, and imprisonment that she shows throughout the novel. It is not obvious at first, but towards the end of the story, I felt that the husband should be held responsible. Maybe she is not entirely psychotic, but either developed a sense of fear and drove herself to insanity, or she in fact was feeling the way she was, and was ill.

It becomes even harder for her to recover when she is told that she is not ill, and no one has ill intentions towards her to lie to her about something like that. It would be a lot easier if the intentions towards her were foul so she would have an excuse. In the end she must rely on her own feelings, and learn to listen to them. She becomes relieved in the end with ripping away the patches over all that is real. Instead of pretending that no human has problems, she breaks free and admits to herself and her husband that she is who she is. She does not belong in a loony bin, but she does have issues.

I thought that the underlying issues were very well hidden, but this might have been necessary due to the time in which the short story was written. It might have been way to controversial to bring up the open self-destruction that the husband was doing to the wife. It was already controversial that the author had a divorce, but she mentions faintly in the story a possible reasoning behind it. The husband did not want to admit that his wife was sick because he was fearful for her. He wanted to hold on to her because she was “all he had”. He wanted to deny the realities that were obviously in front of him and his sister. His sister is obvious of her problems as she confronts her to why she has yellow wallpaper on her clothing. The husband must face the reality in the end when he notices the torn wallpaper, and faints (femininely), from the shock of the reality of her sickness. Denial is a harmful thing. With all the denial the husband was doing, he could have saved her from a fate worse than death. Even though he was underlying enemy in this respect, she was also an enemy to herself displaying her inner psyche outside slinking around, and within the walls. She needed to stop playing the victim, and save herself from her oppression, which she eventually did. This short story has a happy ending in this respect, since the reader sees her success with conquering over her husband, and herself. (706)

"The Cathedral" Analysis

“Cathedral” was a very interesting short story based around people learning one another’s differences, and shortcomings. In the story, the blind man enlightens the husband to “open” his eyes, and view how amazing the grandeur of the cathedral was, and the creation he had just drawn of it. The husband might have had eyes but took them for granted. It seems that the blind man had something to teach the husband about life. They both viewed life in different points of views, and had a lot to learn from one another.

The husband underestimated himself, and underestimated the amount to which he could feel passion towards something spiritual. He was overwhelmed with his own human ability, and had to close his eyes to create this feeling. This is ironic that in order to realize something, he did not need his eyes. At the end of the short story, in the very last sentence, he mentions not wanting to open his eyes. Some people like to escape, and ignore their own capabilities, but it took this blind man to come into his home, at first unwelcome by the husband, to teach him something about feeling. A lot of the time we are fooled by looking at things for what stands in front of us all. The blind man teaches us all that there is more than what meets the eye. The husband brushes off his potential as an artist, and being able to describe, and capture the essence and aesthetic parts of a cathedral. Many people brush off their talents, and do not give themselves a chance. Once he brushed passed the self-consciousness, and accepted being around someone who was blind, he embraced himself. This story gives passageway to a man’s personal revelation, not only with religion, or maybe not even at all, but with himself.

I believe that it understood from this short story, that most all people need to close their eyes from the masses of the world, and listen to their true self. The cathedral sparked something in the husband to let go of his cultural withholdings about the blind man. In the beginning of the short story he makes fun of the blind man who has a wife he has never seen, and was left with nothing from her death. He even criticizes his wife and the life she once led. He has never much thought into anything on a deeper level until the blind man guides him. They show compassion for one another on a deeper level, which was overwhelming for the husband. He forgot about his inhibitions and searched deep within himself for depth and meaning, which he had previously lacked. People all have a different outlook on life, and instead of the husband giving his, he simply gave his wife’s and the blind man’s from a third person perspective. He seemed not to care about anyone, or respect their pathways. He is not even interested in his own life. He appears dull to the reader and a shallow character until he breaks down into feeling. He starts with having a critical tone towards describing the person he loves, and her friend. At the end he does not answer his wife when she asks him a question; neither does he acknowledge her feelings, but he is an immature character who has not come into his own depth until the end of the story. His experience was so overwhelming, that he needed to look within himself before he could commit to anything more at that moment. It ends with his eyes closed to the world around him, which he is not use to, and that is where the reader is last aware of his mental development towards maturation.(622)

"Teenage Wasteland"

“Teenage Wasteland” is a distressing novel that expresses the concept that nothing ever stays the same. Change is prevalent, and not always widely accepted. People can fear change as well. The reader can hear Daisy’s thoughts as she worries and fears the cause, and the outcome of her son Donny. She goes through ups and downs as a naïve and vulnerable parent. Her son changes from a white, angelic- haired little boy, to a dark, troubled young man. The author, Anne Taylor, gives the reader the opportunity to look through this family’s crises and decide who takes the fault towards Donny’s outcome.

Daisy is still a likeable character despite her shortcomings as a parent. She may not be the best parent, but she is certainly not the worst. She spends a lot of time plaguing her mind with excuses as to how her son ended up the way he is. She can also be very self-conscious, as shown in the dialogue with the principle Mr. Lanham (¶ 8). She considers being judged solely based on her appearance as a parent, not her actual capabilities. This scene also demonstrates if Daisy had more confidence as a parent, she would not be as preoccupied with her appearance to others as much. Daisy is also pitied in some ways for having to raise Donny and Amanda practically by herself. For this reason she must gradually learn to take the blame for any faults she might have made under these circumstances. Daisy goes back and forth with ideas for Donny’s outcome. She considers not giving him enough attention with the birth of his younger sister Amanda (¶ 13, 14), and giving him too much attention. Amanda, ironically, is neglected as a result of Daisy’s obsession with Donny’s faults. The author suggests that Donny has been given too much attention as a child, and now cannot become someone he never was. When Daisy and Donny’s school crack down on him, he snaps back with calling his mother controlling, and his school resembling a prison. For other children who never receive freedom, they do not know any other way than to be without it. For Donny, he is spoiled, and breaks down without the ability to do whatever he wants.

In Daisy’s state of fragility, Cal decides to manipulate her into taking control of the responsibilities of her son. Daisy, without knowing any other way, decides to hand Donny over. The dialogue between Daisy, Donny’s teacher, and Cal expresses the manipulation, and confusion that Daisy endures as she wavers between blaming either of the two for Donny's mistakes (¶ 44). Daisy desperately wants someone to take the responsibility of fixing her son; therefore, finding someone to blame at his failures in life. Even Cal, who Donny respects, is surprisingly fine with Donny’s withdrawal of his services. This represents the climax of Donny’s naivety, as well as Daisy’s maturing. Donny had settled with Cal, who is just as unsure of himself as he is, and even suffers from being controlled by his own wife, which might explain Cal defending his pupils against this being controlled(¶59).

Daisy is not confident enough to do what she thinks is right as a parent. She goes from honoring Cal’s opinion, to letting him take over, then finally realizing the lack of help he is doing. The reader gradually witnesses her confidence grow as she listens to her parental instincts. She gains more confidence as she takes charge, and finally realizes that Donny is her sole responsibility. Daisy may be at fault in some sense, but even so, she is pitied by the reader for her own naivety. As a reader, Daisy is viewed as defenseless, and lost. Even her name suggests youth. The short story ends with the hope of Donny’s future, but Daisy will solely be forever overwhelmed by the idea of ruining her son’s life. Cal served for a short time as the outlet for Donny’s failures, and for Daisy’s as well. Daisy can be just as naïve as Donny in this sense, both beginning a new frontier. One being high school and the other being parenting. Neglect and faults are made, but this is not uncommon to most families. This story identifies the change between thinking one's parents are superhero's and realizing that they make mistakes too. The theme is change. Anne Tyler gives us a window into the problems that this family faces, and to the imperfections that Daisy is so self-conscious as to letting people know about. This short story gives proof of life’s imperfections, and the outcomes that are maybe or maybe not wholly deserved.(759).

The Secret Life of Bees

Throughout reading the novel, one witnesses how different personality types react in certain emotional states. Each of the characters in the novel reacts to sadness, for an example, in all sorts of ways. In particular, I focused on Lily and Rosaleen because of the stark contrast they represent meanwhile maintaining a closeness with one another. I found each character humane by the mistakes they would make as a result of reactions to spontaneous outbursts of secrets that are woven throughout the plot.
I found that it was refreshing to hear the novel told in Lily’s point of view. She reacted as a naïve and vulnerable subject which was very agreeable. The reader connects with her as more as a person who is generally fretful and lacks the presence of a mother’s love. She responds to the circumstances in a very real manner. She searches for an explanation within herself, as well as comfort, which is something that everyone can relate to. People try to talk themselves out of a bad situation in order to convince them that the truth is not what it is, just as she wants to deny the meaning of her own name, “an unwanted child”. Every thought that crosses through Lily’s mind is one of humility which is something that is not presented in most fiction, or else it would not be interesting. This novel was interesting, most characters in fiction do things that are not expected in order to keep the reader engaged; however, in this novel, the reader is engaged by the feelings that everyone has, but are not usually expressed outside of the mind, and the plot that is told, which is delightful. Certain feelings that came up were feelings of humility and being uncomfortable for the first time around women of color during the ceremony of the black Madonna, “I wanted to touch her vanishing red heart, too, as much as anything I’d ever wanted. As I rose from my chair, my head was still swimming some. I walked toward black Mary with my hand lifted. But just as I was about to reach her, June stopped playing. She stopped right in the middle of the song, and I was left in the silence with my hand stretched out” (111). In these instances, Lily wants so badly to be a part of something but realizes it is wrong somehow. Her feelings were genuine and not a superficial remark. Her sincerity is refreshing.
Rosaleen is also sincere, but frank with her sincerity. She has genuine feelings, but she represents the type of woman who treats things with an immature openness. Rosaleen’s feelings are out on the table, unlike Lily’s who is all in her head, which is why she is the narrator. Rosaleen is hurt and jealous of Lily’s obsession with her mother to the point that she wants to downplay Lily’s expectations of her mother. She even gets jealous of August who is the oldest sister of the beekeepers for treating Lily like her child. At one point in the novel, Rosaleen tries to tell Lily her opinion, but all of a sudden she pities the state Lily is in and matures. The sign of maturity here is the feeling of not caring about one’s self any longer, but putting someone else before.
The entire book takes the reader through the journey of self-realization, which everyone has gone through despite how absurd a plot may be. Despite Lily having to deal with the murder of her mother and going into seclusion with three African American sisters who are beekeepers, on every level of reflection we can all relate to the conclusions she draws and the thoughts that cross Lily’s mind. Even though Rosaleen is not the narrator, the reader can catch on to her insecurities and her transformation from immature to mature. Lily realizes what the reader knew all along, that she had everything she thought she lacked, mainly people who cared about her. The reader can relate, on a human level, to the female growth that has occurred throughout the novel in relation to being vulnerable and having the ability to open up to the reader through harsh experiences.

Reading and Writing

Every summer, I go through a reading frenzy. I have always loved books; however, I feel as though throughout the year I have always been crunched for time, and am unable to motivate myself to read a book in my spare time that is not required. When I was younger I was an avid reader, but had a pending fear for reading books over two hundred, or (to be even more honest), one hundred pages long. This might have been due to my lack of attention span, or my urge to keep the title as most books read in the entire grade. Some may call this cheating, but I call it strategy. I do not in any way mean to downplay my title. I deserved it. Over the following nine years my love of reading had declined only to exponentially increase in high school where I had renewed my passion. I can safely say I read books over two hundred pages, but this may also have been attributed to the lack of complexity the longer the book, which has changed by the way. Not to be entirely scatter-brained, but a side note is that my new favorite genres are philosophical and religious. Sometimes quantity can not always be quality in my book, and I am sticking to it. My passion, this summer, was due to a shallow inspiration. Like most teenage girls, I can always spare time to glance at a few pictures of movie stars in trash magazines. In one magazine I came across a quote by Natalie Portman expressing her passion to know as much as she can. I am not ignorant to the fact that it might be sad to admit that Natalie Portman inspired me to learn more, but it’s best to be honest here, this is a blog after all.

Ever since reading the quote by Natalie Portman I find myself realizing that someone can live beyond the shallow hype that society puts forth in order to distract the nation from rising above their limits. So many things take up space in my mind that are not cultivating, but trash. I want to know everything. I began to be more and more excited to enter a bookstore. I realize there are so many things I do not know and I am just getting started! I can gloat to myself as I complete a book, and I am able to discuss the knowledge I have acquired and concepts above my teenage mind. Some of the books I read this summer were The Stranger by Albert Camous, Siddhartha, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Secret Life of Bees, The Late Bloomer, The Catcher and the Rye, The Age of Innocence, East of Eden, and Naked Lunch. The thing I most enjoy when I read is being able to talk and discuss what I have read. I do not enjoy reading books I dislike, it takes me awhile, but whether it is about existentialism, a coming of age, a hopeless romance, or even about nothing at all but the acid ridden mind of a psycho (Naked Lunch), I enjoy contemplating the ideas that come forth while reading these books.

When it comes to my writing, not many people have much good to say about what I have written except for my mother. This would be the only reason why I dislike it because I am not good at it. My grammar also needs work, and I realize the best thing to do is get criticized in order to improve which takes a lot out of someone, since no one wants to hear about what others have to say on the inner-workings of one’s mind if it is criticism. I have taken writing courses at Amherst Excel, but there’s hardly a way to get help unless I help myself and find out a way that suites me. I like writing creative stories, but writing critical essays is not my thing. I have never gotten any praise at any critical or historical essay. I can admit I like having a unique way of writing and addressing things in writing and in person regarding symbolism or breaking down people or characters, but my mind, as well as my writing as a reflection, is cluttered. I get carried away and do not want to read what I have just written. I may lack organization but I know I have style. My goal for the year is to work through my writing anxiety with confidence, and just like AA the first step is acknowledging they have a problem, right? Maybe that was not the best analogy, but I am sure that everyone understands my point as adult as that statement may be for a high school paper. My point is, let it begin! On a side note, I apologize for the length, (I got carried away). (814).